Bridging the Gap: Post 1

Most days I make the approximately 600 yard walk from the building where I work on the USU campus to the student center.  I justify this walk each day for any number of reasons.  I’m hungry and they sell killer hot dogs for just a buck.  I need to drop off some cash at the bank located in the same building.  I’ve been sitting too long and need to “stretch my legs.”  I need a refill of my large diet soda and out of embarrassment refuse to return to the café across from my office for the second time in as many hours.   I use this last justification more than I am willing to admit.  Regardless of my reasoning I always cherish those 1200 yards.  I take them slowly, squeezing every extra moment possible into the short jaunt.  Whether it begins innocent or not almost all of my journeys put me into some sort of deep self analysis. 

I do this because as a 31 year old father of 2 I have uncertainty where my career will take me.  I fight my worst fear every day of “leaving something on the table.”  I spend the time thinking, praying and sometimes pleading with God for help.  I am more than capable it is only a direction I am lacking.  On my walk today I had the thought pop into my mind, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result”.  At first I brushed it aside assuming it was to be applied to someone else, but as I neared the same 8 steps that lead to the patio in front of the student center I remembered that I had been doing this for nearly 2 years.  At that point I officially accepted the terms of my handicap.  I'm insane.  I've been pleading for the direction I need for years refusing to change much else.  This can go on no longer.  

The gap between thoughts/dreams and actions/reality has been in front of me for a long time now.  I am now going to bridge the gap and see what happens.  I know that I have to make certain specific changes, but have yet to incorporate them.  Let’s see if doing something different actually results in a “different result.”