BTG 3: More on Fear

I am pleased to say I have yet to miss a day in the weight room.  Though I feel unsure and awkward at times I am focusing more on what I am doing rather that what other see me as doing.  After my last post I began thinking about other decisions in my life that were altered by some form of fear.  The continual use of the word "fear" might seem a little harsh, but when everything boils down there isn't a more appropriate description.  I've realized that I need to accept that fear has been a driving force, for the negative, in order to correct it.  A quick review of decisions in my life that I can absolutely attribute to some sort of fear.

Ability to build relationships with people of a perceived status.  This started when I was a young kid.  Like most others I wanted to be included, but instead of trying to be included in the "cool" group (whether the group was actually good or bad is not the point) I would employ two different strategies.  I would bend my personality just a bit to fit into the group, or not even try to make friends out of fear.  The idea of presenting myself in raw and being rejected was normally to horrible to even try.

Playing in the post.  This seems a little odd, but for my purposes I should be low post player in basketball, but normally end up floating to the outside where I can shoot jumpers.  I am good at jumpers, but want to create a presence down low.  My ability to jump is quite sad and I have allowed this deficiency, and the problems it causes, to destroy my inside game.  Quite frankly I don't want to look stupid, so I stay outside where I rarely look stupid.

Church responsibilities.  I believe this is tightly related to my first fear.  As I was trying to create my identity as a young teenager, I didn't want to be "Peter Priesthood."  This had a significant effect on what should have been much better involvement.  I managed to skirt the edges of righteousness, but I never dove in.

Visiting.  Part of church is making visits for various reasons.  This was always something I procrastinated as much as possible.  Whether it was for fast offerings or for home teaching.  Getting out of it was normally my goal.

Being able to diagnose the cause of these fears will help me overcome them.  I think in an oversimplification one might say I (like most people) am afraid of being rejected.  Whether that rejected is based on my personality, my religion, my ability or any other of my shortcomings being an outsider is so scary that it has immobilized me at many times in my life.